FIS

Football Induced Schizophrenia I have it. I know I do. I'm ashamed, but I'm coming to terms with it.  Here's a peak inside my brain on Saturdays in the fall.

5:12, alarm goes off.  First thing on my brain is not, "Man it's so early!" Nope, I think about the game. Wonder if the offense is going to show?  Will we see Peters? I hope not. Find renewed confidence that our beloved coach has figured this out. Snap back into reality and realize the problems are waaaaaay too big to be figured out in a week.  Shit! We're going to get our asses handed to us on a silver platter in primetime.  Great! Just great! Maybe I won't watch, save myself the heartache and embarrassment.  Who am I kidding? I've never missed a game. Ever.  Crap, I gotta get out of bed and get ready to go to the swim meet.

While getting ready at 5:15 am, the thought of the game never enters my mind. I need to be a swim mom right now, feed my daughters a healthy, protein-rich, hot breakfast.  Make sure they have all their gear.  Put the address in the GPS, out the door by 6:15.  Girls, I can't wait to watch you swim your hearts out.  This is going to be so fun.

In the car, they're getting in the zone.  Headphones on, watching videos on the tablet.  They don't want any distractions.  For once, I want you to talk my ear off and ask me the most off the wall questions about how many leaves I think are on the trees. But no, they don't.  So, I'm left with my own thoughts, which uncontrollably wander back to the the game.

Why, oh why is our right tackle so bad? The whole O-line for that matter! Why can't our receivers bail out our back-up quarterback and make some catches? How is our defense so good? Thank God for that defense!  All they have to do is stop Saquon and we're good.  Our defense will totally keep us in the game.  Maybe we can get a defensive score and pull this out.  Hell yes we've got a chance. This. Is. Michigan.  But what if they don't?  What if this is the first big test they've had and they fail. Great. This is going to be so ugly.  Who scheduled this game anyway?! I wonder what Harbaugh will say in the locker room during his pregame speech.  Man, how I'd love to hear one of those motivational talks! I hope my kids have a coach in their life that gets them fired up!  Now that I think about it, they already have.  I hope they keep getting great coaches.

Swim meet, oh yeah.  Please let them swim well. No false starts, or DQs.  This is their first meet of the season. They haven't had much time in the water. Don't get your expectations up too high.  They're great swimmers.  I didn't know what kind of mom I'd be, but I sure do love being a swim mom.  No offense to you dance moms and theater moms of the world, but I just can't picture myself as that mom.  No, I'm a swim mom.  We walk into the natatorium and I love the sweet smell of chlorine in the morning.  I ask if they want me to walk them to the locker room and help them check in, "No thanks mom, we got this!" Alright sweeties, "Live Well, Swim Fast!" (that's our team's motto and I say it everyday before practice and meets)

So there I sit, in the stands with all the other swim moms, dads, uncles, aunts, grandmas and grandpas, waiting. Alone again with my thoughts.  How many hours until kickoff? Wonder when the heat sheets will be ready? The weather here is great, hope the weather is great in Happy Valley (checks weatherbug on phone) Yep, looks like great weather for a fall night football game.  Man, there are going to be gazillions of viewers and I can't wait to see Michigan shock them all and beat #2 Penn State at home for their stupid white-out. This is gonna be so fun.  But what if we don't? What if we have eleventy-hundred turnovers again? Man, I hate losing to Sparty.  Their fans make it so much worse for me.  Ugh! They talk about arrogant Michigan fans.  Looked in the mirror lately?  Oooo, good song playing in here, "Don't Stop Believin!" I used to love it when they played that in the Big House.  That place really is one of my most favorite places in the world.   I just love it there.  Can't wait to go back next weekend. Wonder what their uniforms will look like tonight?

Oh look heat sheets are ready, that's a good sign.  The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly. They have a great meet. One DQ, oh well, that happens.  Lots of great times, and lots of laughs.

"Quickly, hurry up and shower, we gotta get home and watch the game." We drive home, I welcome the conversation. We discuss times, events, highs and lows of the day.  They want to know what events they have on their schedule tomorrow.  We talk about those. They eat. And then we're home. Home. Game is on in a couple hours. Need to do laundry, get ready for tomorrow, and plop in the chair to watch the game. Finally, it's game time.  I'm nervous. Excited. And then........I'm not. Second play and my heart sinks. This is going to be a loooong night.

I'm going to stop right here, because the sequence of events that followed for the next three hours are not for public viewing or consumption.  I barely want my own husband and children to know how I act when the game is on.  But this just gives you a small glipmse of what FIS is. Do you have it too, or am I the only one?